Dealing with Divorce

Is there truly life after divorce? Well of course there is. It can be rough for a while. In fact it can get downright ugly. Hopefully you landed yourself stellar legal representation and got what you actually had coming to you. Now it’s time to get your… stuff… together and move on. If you need a Ft. Collins Counselor in order to do that, so be it. Get one and get on with it!

 

Take the First Steps Back to Life

 

Clearly, your marriage wasn’t forever so what makes you think that your current funk will be? It gets better. Really! Remember that death and divorce are not synonymous.  Just because you aren’t married anymore doesn’t mean that you no longer have a pulse. Don’t be too quick to rebound but know in your heart of hearts that it’s okay to get on with your life. Children will obviously complicate things. It may be best for your kids if you can maintain at least some kind of ‘amicable’ relationship with your ex. Have your lawyer at the ready though, just in case. And keep in mind that those kids are far more important than any childish immaturity you or your ex may be tempted to partake in.

 

The More Things Change…

 

Try to keep the schedule as ‘normal’ as possible. Your kids will adjust more readily the less they have to adjust to. If religion is a part of your life this is a good time to re-establish your faith—and faith in yourself as well! Divorced does not mean less successful. It’s time to take control of your life. You are a survivor. Don’t fritter away this second chance at happiness. And surround yourself with friends who will be honest with you, not always say what they think you want to hear.

 

Fear, failure, shame, guilt, rejection and anger for a time are normal. Just don’t allow them to become the norm.

 

 

 

 

 

Tags: therapy, marriage, divorce

Teaching Your Kids About Responsibility

I don’t think any parents strive to raise a child that grows up to be an irresponsible adult.  Most parents want to raise a child that as an adult will be a productive, accountable and a positive member of society.  Teaching responsibility should start very young in a child’s life.  We have all seen the results of people who have no sense of what is expected of them as an adult.  In many cases the negative impact on all who encounter such an adult leaves scars and a lot of bad experiences for themselves and others, including their kids.

Starting the Lesson Early

Once we began to understand the difference between right and wrong in terms of our actions then the lessons about responsibility should begin.  A very young child is capable of learning and embracing this concept.  What happens when a child decides to throw their food on the floor from their highchair or tear out the pages of their favorite storybook?  If as parents we condone this behavior or offer no reprimand, regardless of how gentle our chiding or scolding is, the child gets the message.  Teaching your child that there are consequences for our actions instills a sense of responsibility for who we are.  Parents who give their children household responsibilities perhaps by utilizing the posting of chore charts in various areas of the house send the message that these are the things we expect you to do on a daily or weekly basis.  Accountability for the completion of these chores falls upon the child and instills a sense of a competency when completed.

Positive Outcomes of Responsibility

Throughout our lives we have life experiences that reflect how we were raised, what our parents did to help us to become successful adults.  Instilling a sense of responsibility in our children will result in an adult who takes their obligations to society seriously.  They will be better students throughout their school years, they will become valued employees or employers and hopefully their personal lives will be exemplary.  Does teaching your children to be responsible mean that their lives will be perfect, no it does not, the question is, what is perfect?  Having accountability for our actions, responsibility, makes the ups and downs of life easier to manage.

 

Tags: responsibility, chores

Homemade Gifts are More Meaningful

Yes, yes—your mom always told you that didn’t she? Turns out, however; she was right! Done correctly, homemade Christmas gifts can become not just a novelty, but can actually become a sort of tradition! Think of the money that could be saved if the entire family got in on the act. And in this day and age, who couldn’t stand to save a few bucks? Not sure where to even begin? Read on…

 

No More “We can’t afford Christmas this year.”

 

The answer to that horrible dilemma just got easier. Homemade Christmas gift ideas are as close as your laptop. Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa and the kids can all participate in a homemade Christmas. But why just keep it in the family? Get your friends involved—they’d probably like to save a little this Christmas as well. You don’t have to be an art major in college to make fun and easy arts and crafts either. There are simple projects online all the way up to fancy and intricate do-it-yourself gift suggestions. And because I see that horrified look on your face at the very idea of having to be creative I’m going to help you out with a few suggestions so that you won’t even need to open that laptop. That’s just the kind of swell individual that I am.

 

Do-It-Yourself This Christmas

 

Here we go—get your list ready for the craft shop, rummage sales, thrift stores and so on: Know any health nuts? They’d love a big bag of homemade granola. What the heck goes into homemade granola? Anything your (or their) little heart desires. And, best of all, you can spice it up for the daring individual or junk it up for the kids. Some ingredients could include: wheat germ, coconut, sunflower seeds, dried fruits (cranberries, cherries, bananas, etc.), cinnamon, nuts, raisins—the list goes on.

 

Or make your own family/friends trivia game. The pieces and game board can be picked up gently used and you simply make your own cards and categories. Hour of laughs and fun await you.

Tags: homemade, Christmas, gifts

The Symbolic Importance of Naming

New parents have a lot of responsibilities.  Even before their loved one arrives, they are busy planning, organizing and preparing.  One of the biggest undertakings they incur is that of naming their new child.  This can be an overwhelming responsibility.  After all, baby names and meanings are significant to many people.  Here is some information to help you understand the symbolic importance involved with naming your child.

 

Every Name Means Something

 

One reason couples spend a lot of time researching names is because they mean something.  Every specific name also has a specific meaning.  If you want the name to be more than just a few letters on a piece of paper, then you should take time to understand the meaning of each name.  Many couples narrow their name possibilities by researching the meanings.  In the end, they often choose the name that has the most meaning attached.  In addition, they prefer a name that means something to them.

 

Your Heritage

 

Next, many names honor your heritage.  When you are naming your child, it is wise to look back on the history of your family.  You can name your child after someone important to you.  You can also select a name that has a similar origin to your own history.  For example, many Greek individuals prefer Greek names.  Names of similar origin honor those who came before you and show respect for your heritage.

 

The Future

 

Finally, a good name is important for the future.  You should name your child for success.  Ask yourself, “Would I like this name if my child became president of the United States?”  If the answer is no, then you might want to reconsider.  Furthermore, it is important that the name you give your child helps them to create a good name for themselves.  This is the future you want for your child.  You set them up to succeed with the right name.

 

Don’t overlook the importance of a name.  There is much symbolism when it comes to names.  Choose something that has meaning and importance for your family.  You will be glad you did.

 

Tags: names, children, babies

Forgetting Yourself in the Process of Mourning

It’s easy to forget not only about yourself, but others as well when going through the throes of the emotional experience of grieving for a close friend, relative and/or loved one. At least those left behind don’t have to worry about the environment if the dearly departed have made their final wishes known in the way of requesting eco friendly funerals.

 

Look After Yourself…Or Else!

 

It is of the utmost importance that, even in your grief, you remember to care for yourself. Your loved one is gone and after all the arrangements have been made, the funeral has taken place, the will read and their life celebrated, there is no longer the need to worry over them. Whatever your spiritual belief, they have moved on to another place and there’s not much we can do for them anymore. A nice grave marker in the way of a flowering bush or a tree is a great way to pay tribute to the deceased having had a green funeral. Now it’s time to concentrate on yourself and the process of mourning. And not only is it okay, but it is literally important to mourn your loss.

 

Mourning is Accomplished in Stages

 

Most religions hold with the idea that the deceased generally go to a place far better that the one they left. But what about the living that are left behind? Everyone grieves differently. That said there are stages of grief that will more likely than not be experienced to some degree. They are as follows (from last to first): final acceptance (finally); depression; bargaining (“if you’ll just bring them back I’ll…”); anger (understandably) and first and foremost isolation and denial (which can, coincidentally, be another final stage as well.

 

While some sources quote 7 and others 5, the stages of grief are personal and individualized. Try as hard as you can not to lose yourself in and amongst those stages. YOU STILL MATTER!

Tags: death, mourning, going green

Turning Your Apartment into a Home

Your home is your haven, the place where you escape from the stress of the world and envelope yourself in spaces and things that bring you comfort.  Just as homeowners spend time, energy and money to make their homes a special place, so to can apartment dwellers make their space special.  Think about the things that make a home a haven and look for amenities in your apartment that will allow you to live comfortably.  Hoboken luxury apartments have all of the things that make apartment living luxurious.  From the moment you enter the grounds you will be presented with high end living.  A gated community that addresses safety concerns and accessibility to outdoor spaces that are well maintained and esthetically pleasing.  Accommodations such as an inground pool, nearby golf course and a communal media room, small theater and exercise equipment for tenants use, all offer homelike comforts. 

 

Inside Spaces

 

The square footage on a luxury apartment will be larger than a mid level or economy apartment.  The bedrooms will accommodate a king size bed and armoire, dresser and end tables.  The other bedrooms will about the size of a master bedroom in other less expensive apartments and the kitchen will have high end appliances and counter tops.  In addition you may be able to rent a unit that has a fireplace and balcony or patio for outside living opportunities.  Decorating your luxury apartment to be more homelike will be easier because high end finishes will compliment your more expensive furniture and decorating pieces.  A original painting hanging over the wood burning fireplace, hand carved furniture and other expensive furnishings will give that warm, homelike feel to your apartment, while saving you money on everyday expenses, electricity, gas, and water, it cost less to maintain utilities in a space smaller than a normal home.  Adding your personal touch and keepsake pieces to your apartment will make it home.

Tags: apartments, living, home